Relationship advice '; serious advice only pls';?

Sometimes it helps when we get random unbiased opinions from others we don't know. So here it goes: I recently reconnected with an ex boyfriend, I've been in an unhappy marriage for 10 yrs, emotional abuse, mental abuse, to help explain a bit. Have two young children, and have exhausted all trying to save whats left for the kids sake. And learning sometimes it's better for the kids to have a hapy parent rather than two unhappy parents under same roof. That said. Thru the internet, it's enabled us all to find many old friends from school, ect. I've found many wonderful friends, and recently someone I was very close friends with, and it's been 14 yrs since we saw each other, talked, and worked with each other, where we met btw. =) He married for 11 yrs, myself 9. I found him thru mutual friend who just so happens to work with him. I've searched for him, thought of him over the 14 yrs, with no luck finding, come to find out, he too had searched for me, both incorrectly spelling last names go figure! He recently expressed in conversation I was his 1st love and always will be. Sure...thats okay to express? I never knew it, we both loved one another and realize now how shy we both were to never make any moves towards how we felt about one another. I moved away....across country nearly....saved every letter he sent to me, baby pics of himself...jewelry he gave me for valentines...Have tossed everything from past relationships due to having heart broke...though he only left me with happiness and good memories, couldn't bare to get rid of them. He says me finding him is fate, that he's always loved me, always will and is filled with so many regrets that he never expressed how much he loved me back 14 yrs ago.... His friendship is worth the world to me, and mine to him I have no doubts. Says he let me walk away once and has always regretted that due to being so shy, and will never do that again. Where does this sound like it's going? Do ppl marry the wrong person, and fate bring them together later down the road? Am I crossing the lines? Should I break the communication to avoid the emotions he obviously has for me still? He claims his wife would not be upset about us talking, we're old friends....I think as a woman otherwise....This all just seems crazy to me...hard when theres so much more to the story....yet trying to jump forward to explain and give you readers something to judge....We've been talking till 2 am, him 3am in the morning, chatting online...not phone....talked on phone for first time this morning on cell phone...Was like it was yesterday, and we continue to plan nighttime chats online...his wife is asleep, mine as well....What is all this mean???? Why do I feel so guilty for enjoying reminicing on such wonderful times?? I haven't laughed in many years, enjoyed anyones conversation like this...something we always had 14 yrs ago...conversations that went on forever.....help!!!!Relationship advice '; serious advice only pls';?
So you married your ';soul-mate';. Over time you realized he was a regular person, not the mythical perfect ';one';.


You look up an old married boyfriend you have not seen in 14 years, since you were a teenager, and you realize he is your ';soul-mate';.


Now you are willing to ruin two marriages, and destroy two families for your own selfishness.


What happens when your realize your old boyfriend is not the perfect ';one'; you remember? Will you be ready to move on to some other old fling, or will you find a new guy online?


You are bored with your life.


Remember - ';the grass is not always greener...';Relationship advice '; serious advice only pls';?
To get more answers u have to learn to summarize.





That might help in relationships too.
dump your husband - tell him to dump his wife and both of you be happy together
i believe that this relationship is something that u want, otherwise u would not have to ask this question. it seems to me that your marriage isnt going to last...and u should end it asap with all the abuse that u AND ur children have had to endure. u r right about one thing, if this continues with ur 'friend', u will definitely be in for more heartache and more trouble and he the same. if he were that happily married he would never tell u of his lost love for u and HE would have stopped his conversations with u, if only to preserve his own marriage...hope these few thoughts r helpful and give u an outsiders point of view to ponder.
You're unhappy, he's unhappy ...that's why you're reminiscing the past. If you were both in happy marriages you would have never thought of each other.





None of you are 15 anymore. You have a past history so does he. You've both changed and it's ridiculous to think you belong together. If you're unhappy with your husband then leave him. Get your own place and mourn your failed marriage, then after a year you can start dating.





This man from your past is attractive because he's representing a better period of your life, that is all.
Wow I am really sorry you are in this situation. While it sounds extremely romantic, that after all the years of sadness and emptiness you are finding some happiness again with someone who you have always held dear to your heart. Are you emotionally cheating, you do realize you are? Do you really care, I think you care only because you feel that you are compromising your personal ethics to find some happiness, cause I doubt you care about what it would mean to your spouse. May I ask however, why don't you leave your spouse, you show your kids (and they too may fall into the same type of relationship) that that is what a family unit is, a controlling abusive and unfair relationship. Especially if you have girls you do realize the longer you subject them to this type of lifestyle that is what they will end up with as well. So think about it are you really doing them good? I say this cause I wish my parents had walked away from their marriage and raised us in a stable environment without tension and crazy power struggles, one being too controlling and unfair etc.. Just some extra food for thought. Now back to your friend, personally you have checked out of the marriage and I don't think bad of you for seeking out this person and wanting to stay in touch. I worry that you may get hurt however. Cause he says all these wonderful things to you about how he never should have let you go etc.. but yet he is in a ';happy'; marriage. Where will this go? Perhaps you are setting yourself up to be hurt once again, or do you like that he too is so attached that it will not complicate things further for you. Seriously I do not judge you for creating an emotional connection with this person, I actually hope it will give you the hapiness and strength you need to clean house with your husband for you and your childrens' sake.
Work on your Marriage.





Your seeing this other guy as an ';idealized'; version of what he was.





Marriage is a covenant - by talking to this guy and feeling the way you do (it sounds anyway) you are breaking that covenant.





Grow up and fix the marriage that you have. If it doesn't work out - DON'T LET IT BE YOU THAT GAVE UP.