There have been 2 times I've been going to end things with my boyfriend of 3 years. The first time was right after he moved in with me and i found out he had been seeing another girl while he was 'dating' me and liing to both of us- however i was pregnant so i told him -once is a mistake, twice is a habit. (ie next time- you're gone). Our daughter is now 13 months old and i have a daughter from a previous relationship (she is 8 years old). I'm beginning to notice that my boyfriend is starting to show signs of controlling behavior (which i consider the root of ALL abusive behavior-ive had tons of counsling on it).. and I have been giving serious thought to ending things- just havent had the guts to do it yet- only now im pretty sure im about a month pregnant. Is this just God's way or telling me I should still stick with him? Or what? I'm really torn about what to do- im having a hard time w/ being walked all over vs. loving him like jesus would and helping him. Advice?Relationship advice from a Christian Perspective-?
Christian Perspective....... here goes.
First .... you should not live together prior to marriage..... mortal sin.... on both of you
second ..... he was two timing you..... mortal sin on his part
lieing....... major sin on his part
having sex outside marriage...... mortal sin on both of you.
now he is also controlling and abusive...... major red lights.
DON'T LET THE SITUATION GET ANY WORSE....... GET OUT..... AND GO TO CONFESSION...... leave this guy.... and leave him now.Relationship advice from a Christian Perspective-?
Well suga if you have to question it so much and ask then you know what to do? On the other hand ask him if he would consider family counseling for the childrens sake / request some things of him that are important to you. I am a devote Christian who is married to an unsaved man (don't ask yes we are unequally yoked spiritually) I love him and he loves me, but it has had its ups and downs. I prayed to Jesus and He told me I must put Him(Christ) first in my life.That meant I needed to strenghten my relationship with Jesus so that He can Heal my family. I do understand your concern. So if you need someone to talk to just IM me.Stay sweet and safe.
I think it was a secular viewpoint that got you to this point (and no I am not judging, Ive been there myself) but maybe its about time you made it right. You got pregnant, your third time out of wedlock and without the sanctimony of marriage. God does not give people babies to force them into bad situations. People give themselves babies because of their own reasons. Keep in mind, you are pregnant and hormones make us act and feel strange things so make sure this isnt just hormones talking, but you need to either commit to this guy or not.constantly having one foot out the door is not commitment and its about time you made that decision. If you are going to commit and are christian, then take the steps to make your relationship legit for you and your kids. If you are not ready to commit, even though you have been with him for years and you have two of his children, then something is wrong between you two and you might want to discover what the problem is and deal with it once and for all. My husband had controlling issues when we got married and we went to marital counceling at the church and it made a world of difference, but the first step was that commitment to eachother. You are either going to do it and work on your problems together, or you need to get real and say its not going to happen and move on with your life before even more kids get brought into the mix, and I can imagine your kids are having a lot of drama around them which is not good for them at all. Your kids need to be your first priority since they don't have any voice in this situation.
You are important in the eyes of our heavenly father too!...You have got to start doing whats best for your self too!...never put this man's wants and needs before your own, he is not your husband. He is really not honest and I would hate to see his behavior become so bad that he starts to physically abuse you. Take some time for you and think about what will be best for you and your children from now on, because remember we have to set the example for our children and honestly we have to learn from these hard situations and allow our children to see that yes we make mistakes but we can learn from them too!...don't give up on your self and your valuable future, it's time for you to decide how to help your self first!...your boyfriend will be fine!...god watches over all of his children!
From a christian perspective. A woman was a gift from god, to a man. God said that a man should treat his woman like queen, respect, providing, sacraficing etc..... Gd speaks to us all during the day, we just choose to listen to him, when things get hard. You've stated this man is controlling, and has cheated in the past. Well I will say this, you deserve to be treated with repsect, bottom line, you deserve faithfulness, and support. Now if your partner, continues to do the things that he has been doing, then u have to make it a point to say enough is enough! Now, God will however, give u strength if you saty, and he will give u strength if you leave. The decision is up to you! Love yourself at all times.
Okay, from a CHRISTIAN perspective: God is telling you, that you are in some deep trouble and you have severely dishonored Him. Premarital sex is one...LIVING together while still technically 'single' (as in, not married) is another sin. Unfortunately, if you are pregnant with your current man, you should get married so that your husband will be in your child's life. Please read the following verses: 1 Tomothy 3:12, 1 Timothy 5:14, and have your boyfriend read Proverbs 18:22.
if u feel ur in danger than4 THE KIDS SAKE get rid of him and do not abortion the baby either just go ur seperate ways and yes u might get more time with the child as the mother if u divorce him.....dont put the kids in danger..if u really ned help watch the movie ';ENOUGH';
You are being pretty inconsistent in your question. First you ask for ';advice from a Christian perspective';. Then you become upset saying you don't want to be lectured to. Yes, God is a forgiving God but many times we conveniently forget that He cannot forgive something that has not been repented of. God is compassionate but He is also JUST. If you want His compassion and forgiveness then you must be submissive to His will rather than your own. I do not believe there is any way that God would be telling you to ';stick with him'; when sticking with him means living with him in a manner that is against the will of God. Makes no sense now does it really?
It appears you feel you are being bashed. This is an emotional response you are having to being confronted with you sin. But you know what, I am confronted with my sins every day. The difference is how does each person respond to being confronted with their sin. Do you humble yourself in His sight and commit yourself to change or do you rationalize away your need to conform to His will. Doing the second makes you feel bashed. Doing the first makes you appreciative of the one who has confronted you. This is the same as the prophet of God who confronted King David with his sin in regard to adultery with Bathsheba and killing Bathsheba's husband. David chose the first option. He recognized his sin and humbled himself in submission. It appears you may be choosing option 2.
Well I think its more of a sign that you should quit having sex. God gives what your heart desires, that simple. From the way it sounds, this is what you are wanting. I have never cheated on someone or been cheated on, but I would hope to think that if there is something I don't like and can't deal with that I would change and alter the relationship or whatever it may be. I'm not trying to be harsh, but try not to look at it as what God is doing to you but more you showing God what you really desire.
Not to sound holy'r then though (because I'm no angel) but this is what happens when there is pre-marital sex. No, god would never tell you to stay in a situation where you have been or are going to get hurt. You didn't mention what signs he's shown, but (and I'm guilty of this) perhaps your reading into his actions. You are correct in that controlling begavior is the root of all abuse, but to think that there is no controling behavior in any relationship is ludicris, everyone is guilty of it from time to time. The key is finding a balance that doesn't interfear with you overall level of happyness and keep's a stable relationship. Keep this in mind while you decide what you want and what your going to do.
You might be better to leave God out of this discussion.
Is it not slightly coincidental that your observation of his ';controlling'; behavior just happens to coincide with your pregnancies?
Perhaps your controlling behavior radar has more to do with your OUT OF CONTROL hormones than it does his actual change of behavior.
Apparently YOUR ';tons of counseling'; for this did not show you how to recognize your own involvement in your attitude toward him.
My advice would be that you might want to quit getting pregnant by men who you then decide are controlling. They cannot win when the change is actually you and it is definitely not fair to your children.
Maybe your not having the guts to leave is God's way of letting you know not to leave the father of your children because of your hormones.
As much as I hate to say this, it could be all a problem with your allowing men to get you pregnant without the marriage commitment. You end up feeling ';walked all over';.
Darlin' go look in the mirror and you might find your problem.
Jesus never said we are to be doormats. I was in your situation, except I was married and I thought it was God's way of telling me to hang in there. You are not married, get out while you can. Jesus was the first person to raise the status of women above that of property. Get your children out of this, take care if yourself and take care of your children. You have daughters. Do you want them to see this as ';right and normal';? They will repeat the same mistakes. Trust me, I stayed with the man I was married to for almost 18 years and my daughters did not respect me, it took a long time to gain back their respect. The best way for you to take care of your kids is to respect and take care of their mother.
A) you're not married so God is not part of your relationship
B) you asked for a Christian viewpoint so you have to know that we are going to say, why are you having sex out of wedlock
C) God forgives, but you're supposed to actually repent and stop the behavior. Not continue having sex cause God forgives. That's kind of abusing the gift of forgiveness, don't you think?
D) I will state again, you are not married. If you really believe he is becoming abusive, get out, concentrate on your children, strengthen your relationship with God and pray for a good husband to come along at the right time for the sake of your children.
God is just allowing you to endure the consequences of your actions, like all of us must.
As a Christian I am telling you that you shouldn't be living with him , as you to are not married for one . I have been in that boat as well , I am not judging you . I think that you should give the relationship a break , tell him to leave and get consoling because you don't want to be controlled . I don't think the pregnancy is sign from God , that he wants him to stay . Wait it out for a while , and if you 2 can't live without each other , then try again (but only after he has been though consoling) and only if you can fully forgive him for cheating on you .. Best of luck , I feel for you ..
Well gee where to start - as Roman Catholic (do you want that perspective???).
To love someone as Jesus would does not mean giving up your life or your self respect or dignity. It does not mean bowing down to someone (although some radical right wing religious zealots would have you believe this).
1st - confirm you are pregnant
2nd - review where you are at with this guy - are you ever going to marry him? or just have his kids????
3rd - perhaps a better form of birth control would be in order until you decide on who you want to send the rest of your life with
4th - perhaps instead of loving him like Jesus you focus on loving yourself and your children (those breathing on their own)
5th - start acting like an adult and plan for a future for you and your kids and take some of that counseling you had put it to good use - don't run away or hide from the problem meet them head on and fix what you can, live with some things and move away from the things that you can't fix or stand.....
Maybe this is God's way of telling you to keep your legs closed. If you're truely concerned about being a good Christian you need to stop having sex outside of a marriage relationship. Using babies to force men to stay with you and/or do what you want doesn't work.
If you're afraid he'll become abusive and definitely if he has ever been abusive -- leave. There is nothing in the Bible saying you have to put up with being abused.
Then find a doctor who will tie your tubes.
How can you concern yourself with ';Chrisitanity'; and be having all these babies out of wedlock?
I don't understand this AT ALL!
If god can forgive you for porking your boyfriend before you get married and letting him knock you up -
why can't you forgive other people who ask you to adhere to god's principles?
you = biggest hypocrite on the planet, like most other ';christians.';
';You don't understand - *I* am SPECIAL.'; %26lt;-- the argument of every selfish phony around.
why should you care what god thinks? you have ignored every single one of his ';christian relationship ideas'; up to now.
Just keep living your life as the selfish pig you are, with some religious phoniess tacked on the outside.
It ain't Gods way cause you got pregnant again? Nobody told you to do it you did it on your own and now your stuck. You can get support from him if you leave or he leaves that is about all you can do!! Good Luck!!!!!
I think you are a little confused. God is not working in your relationship, Satan is. Maybe you should try and find God, pray to him and talk to him. The 10 Commandments are there for a reason.
I understand how you may think the Christlike thing to do would be stay and help him, but I would like you to keep in mind that if you think he is controlling and he has some serious issues, I think you owe it to your kids to move on, otherwise your going to teach them that this is the way they should be treated, now I know you love him, but if you have to choose I suspect you would choose your kids, so leave before its too late if your going to leave, young minds are very impressionable and if you want to long it may leave irreversable damage on your kids.
Advice from a Christian Perspective, uhh, call me naive, but wasn't that blown along time ago . . . living in sin, child out of wedlock . . . at this point I would think you would want the advise on ANY sane woman out there . . . Gee don't you think God is screaming at you GET OUT of this relationship!
No it's God's way of telling you you shouldnt have slept with your boyfriend in the first place. And don't take offense...you wanted the Christian Perspective. Try to work things out but if he gets abusive then you need to leave. Point Blank. No one deserves abuse: Physical, emotional, spiritual.
Um, God's not a huge fan of sex outside of marriage, last time I checked.
Being a month pregnant is not some sort of secret message from God. It might just mean you need to be more careful with birth control. It's CERTAINLY not a reason to stay in what you think might become an abusive relationship.
If you think he is going to become abusive, and you think you are pregnant then it is your duty (christian or not) to keep your child safe. Tell him you are going to visit your famliy if you must, but keep your kids safe. Good Luck Hun.
Can't belioeve you are asking these questions from a religious point of view. First off - if you were so religious you wouldn't be shacking up with a guy. If you caught him with another woman and having problems, why would you bring innocent children into a bad situation. Then to have multiple babies out of wedlock - you have to be joking. Best of luck. Think of the children instead of your shelfish boyfriend needs. Why don't you give the upcoming baby for adoption. Give the child a chance living in a family.
just as you stated, you should try to help him out a bit. and show him how much you love him and try to show how much your family needs him, just dont freak him out with anything big.
and if he actually becomes back to the person he was before the cheating and the lying and the questioned abusiveness, continue to stay with him because it might just be God's way of trying to get you to be a 'disciple' and put someone else in the right path to Him.
hope i helped! :D and may you find the road to righteousness.
I know the feeling, but im going to tell you God does not want this for you! this isnt gods way of saying you need to be with this man. God wants you in a healthy relationship with a man you can trust, he also wants whats best for you. i understand that you are trying to forgive him and love him as jesus did, but dont allow yourself to be walked over. this is a different situation, he is taking advantage of you, controlling you and you dont need this. the longer you stay with him the longer your going to start beliving this is ok, this is god's will for me and i just need to stay in this relationship and remain abused and controlled because i continue getting pregnet. thats a lie from the devil,all of it! you better belive that God watches over his children and loves you no matter what! leave this man for good,verbally telling him will not do anything he will not take you seriously. pray about this to God the father, he will show you whats right just trust in him.
Your being pregnant with #2 is a result of your own choices to have pre-marital sex and live with your boyfriend. Don't ignore the red flags that are waving before your face. Abuse only escalates. For your children's sake, get rid of the jerk. They do not need to learn (by watching your relationship) that being abused is an acceptable way to be treated. God does not desire that His children be abused and mistreated. You deserve better!
He is your boyfriend. Not your husband. Ditch the man before anyone gets hurt! Jesus loves you too much to have you stay with a man who you don't love, doesn't love you, cheated on you, and may hurt you and/or your children. He's your boyfriend, not your husband so it's Biblically safe for you to dump his sorry butt. Don't feel bad, girl. Just speak the truth in love, and move on.
No it's God's way of telling you that you need a better form of birth control..... God gave us free will, so if you lack the confidence to leave, then admit that. Don't stay and then tell yourself this is what God wanted. God doesn't want people having sex before marriage, so it's a little late to be taking that route now........Everyone is where they are in their lives because of their own choices. Remember that...
edited:
I've read all the answers, none of them are being holier than though. You are the one that said to answer in a christian perspective. The christian perspective is no sex before marriage.....It's your life do whatever you want, but you can't have it both ways. You either live under christian beliefs or you don't. And you surely don't stay in a potentially abusive relationship and then use ';it's God's will'; as an excuse for your inaction. Ever hear the saying God helps those that help themselves?
