*This is really long. Thanks to all of the dedicated answerers.
I am a 17 year old male and I have a 16 year old sister. For the past 8 months, my sister has been dating a guy who is just a couple of months older than her. This guy has a relationship with me
We are friends (or were, at least). But, more than that. We both live to very straight lifestyles away from each other, but behind closed doors when we are together - things change. We had oral sex probably 40 times since May of 2009 (first time was on my birthday).
This guy means the world to me and I seriously treat him like gold. I do anything and everything I can think of for him because I care about him so much. Unfortunately, he does not have the same feeling towards me. We argue a lot, but 95% of the time we go to sleep happy. I love him.
Love has been a difficult word with us - I love him as a friend...I don't love him as a sexual partner and don't particularly love the ';sex';. I love him for his personality and how happy he always makes me feel. I tell him a lot that I love him - while he rarely says so. It upsets me to no end and has been the root of a lot of arguments.
So... to the problem. He told his mom (who is my boss at McD's) that he didn't like having me come to his house because I make fun of it. Which I DO NOT. And I NEVER HAVE. I have always tried to make him feel much better about his home because I know its a rough subject for him. (Luckily they're moving - they just sold the house for $25,000). I am by no means rich. I live in a house that is worth less than $200,000.
So, for the past week, he has had H1N1 and I've been begging him to let me come see him. He always refuses - even after I bring him $90 worth of ';Get Well Soon'; gifts.
This upsets me of course - because I have a relationship with him and I do love him. So, over the course of the past week I have discovered he has had some of his other buddies at his house to watch movies and just hang out... This upsets me I don't know why he isn't willing to let me visit.
He stays at my house probably 10 times a month and I've never spent more than an hour in his house.
I confronted him about the lie he made to his mom and about him using me to be with my sister (who he really does love and is crazy about)... (I take them on a date each weekend and spend between $40-$70 on them for the dates). I told him that I'm done with everything. I'm tired of being disrespected and not appreciated. I'm generally upset and need some general guidance. How can I fix this? What things do I need to say to him? I'm hurting.
*I'm not trying to sound like a nagging old person - even though I know I do. I have nowhere else to turn and am embarrassed about asking.
Thanks for everyone who's made it this far!Relationship advice needed...?
Well first off I can tell you that he is trying to keep his bisexual nature under wraps. That's for sure, just by the way you're describing it. But I would have to say move on. If this guys heart is with the sis over you, let it go. Plus you're only 17 bro, there will be plenty of other people out there for you to meet. If you plan on going to college, you'll forget all about this guy. On top of that, stop wasting your money. You're trying to buy his affection. In no relationship should you have to buy affection. It should already be there after this long. If anything play hard to get, don't be soooooo forward with him. Let him come to you. If you stop taking him out to places and asking to come over to his house, he should be asking what's up. If he does you're in decent shape, cause he cares then. But if he doesn't drop him. Hope this helps a little bit.Relationship advice needed...?
Infidelity risks more than a broken heart
One of the issues that face many gay couples where infidelity is involved is the risk of sexually transmitted diseases and HIV.
“We had an understanding that because we had been together so long, we would not need to use protection in our own intimate setting,” Kevin says. “One of my first reactions was a sinking feeling in my stomach when I thought about the past several months and how many times I had bottomed bareback with Justin. What if he had contracted HIV during his sexual outings, what would I do then?”
In fact, Justin admits, his anger clouded any concern he might have had. In fact, Justin is pretty blunt about this part of the experience.
“I thought, ‘Well, if I got something and passed it on to Kevin, it would serve him right,’” Justin recalls. “I can’t believe I became that kind of hateful person, but that’s where I was. I always had safe sex when I would go out, but you never really know, do you? And I just thought, ‘Hey, paybacks are a *****.’”
Listening to Justin, Kevin closes his eyes, breathes deeply and says he is counting to 10. Justin slowly reaches out to take Kevin’s hand. Kevin flinches, but Justin continues.
“I know it’s hard to hear, but I have to be honest, and I am being honest now when I tell you that that’s not where I’m coming from today,” Justin says.
I've seen it before with a far more devastating outcome.
“You can imagine the worst, and I’ve seen it. The betrayer contracts HIV through anonymous sex [and] passes it on to his primary partner. The primary partner … ends up dying while the betrayer lives on. Everyone needs to think to themselves, ‘Do I want to be a death notice for the person I loved?’”
He's conflicted about who he is, I think. It's very hard to follow that you love him, but as a friend, but you have sex, but you live straight . . . it sounds like you are both homosexuals in private. Does it not worry/bother you that you and your sister sleep with the same man? And why do you allow him to treat you this way? You are worthy of someone's wholehearted love in all the fullest ways possible. Does your sister know about your relationship? If so, does she find it disturbing? I'm sorry I don't have better answers for you as this is way outside of anything I know about. Your post raises many questions that make it hard to answer. Good luck, and be good to YOU! :-)
OMG. He is using you. You are paying for his dates with your sister? Why?
He doesn't love you. Sounds like he only loves himself and is living minute to minute.
Find someone who is worthy of you and get him out of your life.
You may eventually need to tell your sister what's what.
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