Relationship advice from long married couples please?

Okay, well. I am not married first off. I am quite young, in a relationship that I have fallen deeply into.. I love my girfriend so much I can cry just thinking about how much I miss and need her.





But to the question. . As we all know, males are known to be ''Territorial'' in a way. Meaning males get jealous or fight for their females associating with another male. I too feel this way. . I hate it when she's hanging out with other guys. And most of the time, she's the only girl, or sometimes they're one on one. And it kills me. . She's promised me she'd never cheat, never leave me, never **** me over or anything like that tho. And this is the only thing we've ever really argued about. . Because of how I feel about all this. What I want is selfish, by her not hanging out with them, and I know deep inside I must be selfless and make her happy without taking away her freedom like that. They say a true love dares to be vulnerable, and has no manipulation. . But I feel so insecure that it hurts. I think so negatively of the outcome, it feels as if it's reality. Basically, I'm trying to deal with it. . But I don't know how. . Can any person with a lot of long term relationship experience help me out? How can I deal with this? How do I learn to trust her that I can be vulnerable securely. . How do I stop thinking of the negative outcome of such bonding with those other guys? Help, please. . No negative feedback, I come to Yahoo! Answers for help because nobody else would understand. . Maybe somebody out there would. .Relationship advice from long married couples please?
What you're feeling is normal and when I was dating, I felt the same way. Does she hang out with girls too? If she hangs out with more guys than girls, then I wouldn't be comfortable with that either.





Why doesn't she invite you to go with them if she has nothing to hide? If she loved you that much, she would want you around too.....especially early in a relationship. I don't see why she would have to hang around other guys if she has you to hang out with. (Plus, alot of guys only hang out with girls they are trying to get with).





I had a girlfriend that did the exact same thing. She hung around guys alot and didn't invite me to go with them most of the time. Eventually, it was too much for me to handle and I got sick of sitting home wondering what was going on and I left her.





I went on with my life and found a girl that was happy with just spending time with me. We still hung out with our friends, but we did it together. That girl is now my wife and has been for 5 years now.





Life has its way of working out......But if you aren't happy with how your life is going, then changes need to be made.Relationship advice from long married couples please?
first of all you stated as being quite young. I am married 30yrs to my high school love and the first thing is learning to trust each other because that is part of your love but the truth is how young you are and if your ready for that commitment and also your girlfriend needs to be ready for that commitment.
How can you love her if you dont trust her?





Go with her when she hangs out with some of these guys. Randomly show up to a couple. You'll see there's nothing wrong and put it out of your mind.





Be careful, you sound everything jealous and that has the potential to become controlling.
Have you talked to her about your concerns?





Any long term relationship has to be based on trust, but also understanding. You have to understand each other and it sounds like she doesn't understand the upset she is causing you.
Gotta say if she loves you, then there is no need for her to hang out with other guys. That is asking for trouble, and really it doesn't sound like she is ready to be tied down to one person. Sorry I know that is not what you wanted to hear.
You learn to trust or you part ways. No relationship will survive without trust.
You are right, you do sound VERY young, you'll grow out of this get over it
you're finished... shes gonna dump you unless you stop this ';I'm gonna cry'; business.. man up.. be ur self... cause ur only gonna push her away being too clingy... trust me...
if she truly loves you, she would respect how you feel and not want or need to hang out with other guys. when my now husband and i got engaged, i slowly ended my close friendships with guys in my life. they are still friends, but we are not close anymore and i don't hang out with them without him. that's the way it should be if you are BOTH committed.
You simply lack the maturity needed to be in a serious committed relationship. That's not an insult, really. It's just your age.





MOST mature adult men are not these territorial beasts who freak out if their woman talks to another guy, or cry when they are not around.





Insecurity comes from within YOU, not her. Do not look to her to fix your insecurity. You need to develop and grow as a person before you saddle someone with this problem.
I've trusted and known girls who just ';hang out'; with the guys in the past and usually they turned out to be cheaters, or lied about the nature of their relationship with their guy friends who were ';just guys.'; Sorry, this probably doesn't help build your confidence... I'd find ways of being included as part of the group- so you can make friends too... or look for a girl who is up front about wanting to be dedicated to the man in her life instead of running off to play with other guys before you wind up sooo heartbroken over her that you wind up damaged and carrying the emotional baggage into your future relationships.
I honestly know where you're coming from. I've been married for 9 years and I hate it when my husband talks to other women, even his co-workers. We have a healthy, Christian, marriage but I can't shake this feeling that the other women are better than me (I know he'd never leave me since I am his first love) or better looking that me. I've had a really rough upbringing and for the longest time I felt that I really didn't deserve anyone or to be loved and wanted that person all to myself. You need to work on your own insecurities. You don't want to be needy or controlling do you? Best of luck. If you need someone to talk to, e-mail me.
You are really in love with her... as a female, I was really insecure about him talking on the phone with females... he always assured me that they meant nothing... after 6 mnths, them bitches had to go!!! lol.... We made a vow that he was no longer allowed to talk or text them girls anymore... he felt the same way.. he feels that if you are the only girl with a gang of dudes, means that at least one of them want to **** you.. tell her that she needs to limit her time with other males... if she decides that she can't do that, then maybe she is not the one for u!!
well im 21 and married and i dont thk my husband would appreciate me around a bunch of dudes alone i mean unless he knew them all well and i still doubt that. i understand you dont want to seem controling or anything but theres a line that you dont cross when your in a relationship and i think she crossed it. maybe you should go hang out with all your female friends and see if that bothers her.
If she wants to cheat, NOTHING you say will change that or prevent it. Badgering her will only push farther away and put the idea in her head. Just have to trust each other to do the right thing. If you find out that she has cheated ( with evidence not hearsay) then dump her. Otherwise you need to chill.





My wife sometimes goes out with her GF's. I don't sweat it. They need to get out sometimes, which is fine with me. When I need to get out, I do and she doesn't sweat it.





The negative thoughts only make the issue worse than it really is.
I think you need to put some space between the two of you, so your feelings cool down a little bit. You can't let your world revolve around her. That is bad for you and will make her not want to be around you. You should go out with friends and have fun. Get distracted and realize that you can be happy doing other things as well.
You are so way overthinking this, you are seriously obsessive.





You've got to beat this pattern of thinking. I went through this last year, and I didn't know it until everyone I knew was avoiding me!!





Here's what I had to do:


1) Stop any ';what if'; thinking pattern. Anytime you start to think ';what if she cheats';, ';what if I lose my job';, ';what if...'; you have to STOP THAT THINKING





2) You have to accept that cheating on a spouse is normal human behavior. It happens. It can be prevented to a degree, and it can be cured (in some cases)





3) You have to realize that obsessing about infidelity will not prevent it, it will promote it.





4) The previous poster is right. This kind of thinking will make you look like a pussy to your gf, and will drive her away. You need to project confidence, security, and safety to her. This pattern of thinking and emotional obsessiveness will turn her off.





I've been there, been through it, and eventually broke it. E-mail if you want more discussion about this.
People do what they want to do. That is really important for you to understand. If she wants to be with you, she will. If not, she won't.





Having said that, you DO NOT what to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you, appreciates you, respects you, etc. I am not say she is a bad person, only that you, and everyone, should never settle for less.





It may be that you two just weren't meant to be together--for now or for ever.





Sounds like your are just a little emotionally wounded right now. I promise it will pass.





The truth is, that if you are very young as you state, that you have much growing up to do. You will develop talents, interests, and wants that likely have absolutely nothing to do with her--as she will likely develop completely different ones.





5-10 years from now, you will see it for what it is, a first love, innocent and simple. But not the kind of deep and meaningful relationship that will sustain you for your life.





So take a deep breath and relax.





Now, having said all of that. You need to focus on you. What do you like to do? What are your interests?





Take some time for yourself. Hang out with good friends. Expand your education. Go workout. Play sports. Enjoy your childhood, it doesn't last very long.





And I think what you will find is that, first you will be happy with yourself and what you are achieving with yourself, and secondly, others, including girls, will be drawn to you because of your joy, focus and determination.





If you feel like you can't handle the stress, talk to your parents. They love you. Also pray. You always have a loving Heavenly Father who will listen to you.





Finally, If all else fails, find someone in your community who needs service. Nothing helps you find perspective than helping those who cannot help themselves.